I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize