he wants to bone in the snuggie
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
