I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
