I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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