Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How does it feel to date your dad?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
