Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
