Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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