We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize