I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
