big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just high enough for therapy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
