i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
