i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
whose parrot is this?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
