So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
