At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
