If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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