She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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