I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
