So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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