if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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