Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I would ride that face into the sunset
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
