You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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