i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
