every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
