I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
