What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
