I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize