Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
