if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
