I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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