Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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