I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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