pop tarts are not kleenex
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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