If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
