WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
