My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
