i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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