never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
