i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
