Your face is a jimmy john
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
