did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
