He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I need moral support for this bender
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
