Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
