last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize