WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
