Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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