i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
