I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
