this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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