watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
