for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
