so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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