That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
FUCK WHALES
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
