just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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