my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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