i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
