I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You're like the curious george of whores
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need to calm my uterus...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
