I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
