You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
