My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
