i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize