i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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