I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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