Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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