if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
