I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
ttyl tear gas
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
