Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
