He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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