I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Enjoy the penises
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
