i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
