the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize