Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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