She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
