ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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