wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
