So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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