well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
