toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
