I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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