So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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