the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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