We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
