Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
