Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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