I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
