I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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