you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
