im gay
i know
yea but for you.
are you so shy because you have an std?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
