Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
