i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
