Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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