I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
