listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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