dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
