don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
