I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
literally had 100 drinks last night.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
