Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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