Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
