dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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