If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
