Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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