Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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