Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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