I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Less talking, more tequila
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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