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he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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