if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
