I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
