Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
now i know why i became what i already was.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
