Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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