That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
