my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
