I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
