did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
