So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
