You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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