new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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