hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize