Quick, to the slutcave!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize